We live in a fantastic world in a fantastic time. Boarders are open, a lot of people have the economy and social media opens up to new views we had no idea about.
In our whole life, we have know we were bound to leave at some point. We saw these possible futures with stars in our eyes, only thinking about the sights we were one day to see. I remember being 9 years old and saying that I will one day move out of here, to learn languages and meet new cultures.
What we forgot, or repressed, was the fact that other people had the same ideas. And that at some point, we weren't leaving them - they were leaving us.
It's about to be my third goodbye in a short time. Some of them have been temporary, yet painful, but some have been Indefinite.
It started with the packing-extravaganza at Mona's a couple of days before Christmas. Since she's been with me since high school (/gymnasiet) she had had to say goodbye to me a couple of times now, but this time it was the other way around and it didn't feel great. Off course I was happy for her for taking the opportunity to live student life abroad in Singapore in an exchange program, but I was also filled with mixed feelings of wanting-to-go-as-well and will-miss-her.
This week, I was supposed to say goodbye to one Lovisa that will be gone for a couple of months, but I skipped it. It was really because of a sore throat, but subconsiously, I was glad I didn't had to face this goodbye. I can write this here because I know she feels the same about goodbyes.
(Ps! She will - maybe? - be blogging from Asia on Lovisa i Australien. Be sure to check it out!)
Tomorrow I'm saying goodbye to another Lovisa, for the third time. Every time she leaves I wonder if she will ever come home again. She troubled by the same wandering soul that I have, only hers is even more vivid. Good for her she found a boyfriend on the other side of the ocean so her life will be filled with travel, but I know she aches for it. Cultures may crash and money and visas are constantly an issue, but for now, I envy her still. I want to be the one leaving, not the one that is being left
behind.
Well, frankly, I wouldn't want to leave her at all. She is my calm mentor when I think life gets to squared and unaccepting for my creativitly shaped dreams, and even when she is on the other side of the planet I feel less lonely after a chat with her.
What unites us also drives us apart. How cruel life's sense of humour is.
That time in Paris when Rebecka was Au Pair and we visited her and ate crepes and went to Disneyland and it was awesome
But for us, the Felicia&Jonathan Unit, there is still a search for an apartment to return to after every trip, and a well paid job to financiate it, that keeps us uncomfortably planted with our feet in our native country. We still try to get jobs that give us the opportunity to get there and back again, but for now, a paycheck that lasts for more than essentials every month is enough. We know it won't be like this forever.
The sad truth is, even if we were to restart our lives in another place, we would still face the same problems.
In a traveling generation, you are bound to leave people you love at times.
It kind of sucks.
A rainkissed day in Disneyland back in 2013
From a troubled traveling soul
anchored to the dock that is 9 to 5
for a little bit longer
Kisses
Felicia
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