HOW TO SURVIVE A LONGER TRIP WITH SOMEONE

Before Asia 2.0, we had some trips on our record. We'd been in London when we both had a lot of money saved and not a lot of things they should cover. We'd been to Prague for six days just taking every day as it comes. We'd been to Bali and been so happy we were reunited that the rest of the world wasn't really important.

But for all of those trips, we were away for maximum two weeks. How were we supposed to tackle the trials that comes with being together 24-7, for 60 days? How were we going to not drive each other crazy or start fights over differences in opinions?

Communication, we figured. We have to talk this through.
So we did. And did again. And did some more. And we came up with a couple of questions that everyone that's going on a longer journey with someone should ask each other.

These little 'relationship-exercises' are better performed in the company of a bottle of wine, as all exercises ever are. 

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1. "Where do you wanna go?"

Pick a natural day, a neutral environment and clear your minds of everything but your wants and dreams for this trip. Where do you want to go? Make both of you make a list of 10 places in a continent you want to visit at some point in your life, and see if the dots are connectable. The good thing with this is that you can see if you have a lot of items on your bucket lists in common, which bodes well for your future travels together.

China... Might not have been our best idea... 

- Pss! -
Read our post on 

Visiting the Great Wall at Badaling Section
- here! -  

2. "What are your expectations?"

What is important to each of you? Hotels with pools or places with a lot of things to see? Are you in it for the cultural, the relaxing, the adventurous or the luxury -experience? To see if your expectations match is crutial to see if you really should go on a longer trip toghether.

Being cultural at the King and Queen Pagoda in Doi Inthanon, Chiang Mai.... 

...while living luxury life in Kuala Lumpur three weeks later... 

...and relaxing on Tam Coc the week after that... 

3. "For how long do you want to travel?"

Some people are perfectly fine with two weeks, others might want to be gone forever. Be sure to know what you traveling partner is up to before booking anything - unless you can decide on splitting up after a while.




4. "How much money are you willing to spend?"

Here, my biggest mistake when going to Asia the first time was that I didn't push this question harder. My friend had been in Panama one month and promped that a budget "never turns out as you think it will and that it's therefor unnecessary to make one".
Guess what?
Next time this topic comes up we are on a rooftop in Bangkok and realizes then that one of us have approximately double the amount of baht in mind for every day than the other.
Trust me - that is NOT something you would want to find out when you're on the other side of the planet.

So ask yourself following: How much money can I and want I spend on this trip?


And remember:

"Talking too much about money, focusing too much, can make you feel mingy. It may feel really bad paying for a hostel room when all you want to do is eat and explore for your money, but it is of course a part of your trip. Don't let thoughts about money take away the reason why you left in the first place." 

(I have very wise friends that helped me with this post by sharing their own experiences).




5. "What do you prioritize?"

Pool on the hotel over day trips? Fancy restaurants over nights boozing? Culture over adventure? Convenience over a taste of the rural life?
These are questions you'd want to know both your own and your partners answer too. Just because you are a couple, or bff's, or just similar minded, doesn't mean you'd want to do all the same things while traveling.
Also, what places and activities do you prioritize in this trip? If Halong Bay is a must, make sure you communicate it with your traveling mate.

In our case, we prioritized elephants in our visit in Thailand.
The well fed, well medicated, free roaming kind. 

- Pss! -
Read about our visit in

Elephant Nature Park
- here! -

6. "How do we solve occurring problems?"

Do either of you prefer a certain way of solving an approching conflict? Are one of you keener on talking it out while it makes the other person feel threathened? How will you talk to each other if something's bothering one of you in the best possible way?

Jonathan's been saying something stupid.. 

7. "What are your strenghts and weaknesses?"


Going in, we knew quite well what we possibly had to deal with in terms of the other persons flaws in character; Jonathan is a b*tch when hungry, while I get crazy if he isn't keeping his calm when I get upset or stressed over inessentials.
Because we knew this, we could back up for it: we kept Jonathan fed and me in control by talking slow and patiently with me.

You have a lot to win with knowing your own weaknesses beforehand, and elucidate them to your traveling companion so you can work up a strategy for when things get messy.

Hungry Jonathan = not accommodating Jonathan

8. The importance of Alone-time

While gathering tips from friends for this post, I talked to one of my more adventurous ones. She said I had to write about the importance of excepting eachothers need for alone-time. She explained it like this:

"When I was traveling with my friend, I didn't understand that she needed to be alone and took it as she tried to get rid of me. We didn't really talk it through and we ended up growing more and more tired of each other because of it."

She adds:

"We might have needed a little more sympathy, and maybe a secret word or something for when the other person needed to be left alone. It's important to try to prepare your traveling mate for your own need for space."

So ask each other: how will respect each others need for being left alone? What is your own "safe space" were you can relax?

For me personally, it was writing for this blog. I love writing so much I didn't even cared if anybody read it or not, I just had to put my thoughts in to words. For Jonathan, relaxing is catching up on what he's favorite YouTubers been up to lately. So we could sit in a room for an whole evening and not talk to each other, just being completely occupied with our own things. And we were completely happy about it.

Staying for hours in Hanoi Social Club drinking egg coffee, 

me occupied with the our love child and Jonathan with audio books... 

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OTHER VOICES ON TRAVELING 

WITH... THE WRONG PERSON 

Quotes from friends that has helped me with this post by answering these questions:


- What went wrong?

- Was is something that could have been avoided and how?

- How did you handled problems while abroad?

/ How do you wish you had solved occurring problems?

- What do you wish you had talked about before going?

/What are you glad you did talk about?

A, who traveled the transibirian railway with a friend for two months, says:

"Our problem was that we were two very different people trying to change the other ones way of thinking, which ony led to us drifting more and more apart.
We had very little acceptance for if the other person wanted to sleep longer or do things differently. 

If we had talked more about things and expectations before going, and if we had let the other person do a specific activity alone if we wanted different things, this trip might have been better. 

I wish we, or she, had let go of the need for control for once and that we would have had the courage to leave each other from time to time and do what we personally felt like."   

R says in a very well written message (translated from Swedish by yours truly, so blame me and not her for any grammar mistakes or misspellings):

"It's important to talk about money before going. How much you are willing to spend on food, activities and so on. We did talk a lot about that, but we realized we wanted different things when it came to unplanned days.
We had different ideas on what to spend our time and money on spontaniously, and added with the stress of being a short time in one place came, we seldom succeded to agree on anything. 

We didn't expect to have such different opinions and we were not good at sorting out the wrangles, as both of us are good at 'being right'.
We didn't really have sympathy for each other and we had a minimal understanding of the other persons feelings. 

Conflicts rarely solve them selves.
It's important to dare to talk about problems even if it's hard." 

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Before summing up this post, we felt we had to add that we are in no way experts, niether in traveling nor relationships. But we made our fair share of mistakes over the last couple of years and although  being quite painful, these mistakes has helped us travel better together today.

Before going to Asia, we were scared we were going to be different persons when we weren't in our usual environment. But we talked all of these questions through, time after time after time, and just having talked about it beforehand made us feel more confident when problems did turn up.

After all, all you can really do is try. There is probably no perfect traveling-duo - but it sure as hell are a lot of good ones out there. All you need is to bring along some sympathy, patience and a whole lot of communication and you'll be fine.

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DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE
OF YOUR OWN ON HOW TO BE A BETTER TRAVELING COMPANION

OR

ON HOW TO SURVIVE A
LOT OF TIME WITH THE SAME PERSON? 

WE'LL APPRECIATE YOUR THOUGHTS 

IN THE COMMENT SECTION!